I Am ... (by J) -

i am: Competing with my wife on the I am thing.

i know: Only what I know, I do not know anything other than that.

i want: Happiness and peace in life for my wife and family.

i wish: I was perfect, able to do everything that needed to get done in each and every day and then have time to relax.

i hate: feeling bloated

i miss: many things, feeling the spirit strongly when I want it, school (I love to learn), drawing when I wish I could have the time, and my family when I am not home.

i fear: the dark, it’s true, I hate dark and silence. I have to have some kind of noise at night when I sleep such as a fan, or a repetitive sound so that I feel safe. I think this fear comes because the veil was thin for me as a child and I could see many things scary and non scary things sometimes.

i feel: like I am deep with thought trying to figure out answers to all these questions.

i hear: K watching the news

i smell: nothing, my sense of smell has always been weak.

i crave: to exercise, I love exercising, but have been too busy to do it for quite some time.

i search: for answers to question of life daily. I truthfully have a curious mind and do not have a single day that I do not question something. ( How does this work, why does this happen, why does this thing get noticed my me and nobody else? Why do people complain at work when they would be happier not complain at all?)

i wonder: How will P become a good person by me being a good parent.

i regret: Not much, because I learn from every thing I made an err in, except, …… maybe I could have treated this person a little better, our I could had phrased my wording a little more smarter.

i love: Life, and the beauty around me and everything that Heavenly Father has given me.

i ache: to teach P properly enough to give him a fighting chance in this world.

i always: Talk to myself when I am bored and think of projects to do and make.

i am not: the best communicator of words. My thoughts go faster than my speech.

i believe: Everyone can elevate themselves to higher potential and better plateaus of learning.

i dance: only when I am alone and try to psyche myself up to do something better

i sing: At work to help pass the time and get startled when I have found that someone walked in without me noticing.

i cry: often. Yes, I really do if I have a bad day and talk to my Heavenly Father for help.

i don’t always: live up to my own expectations.

i fight: only if I have to, but then joke with the person in the end and we end up becoming friends.

i write: My thoughts in my journal now end then and write precious moments that I hope I never forget.

i win: only in spirit, I look for the positive in all things even if I lose. To me, if you lose you won knowledge that you would not have gotten if I would have won.

i lose: Only if I give up and let depressed feeling over come me.

i never: feel comfortable keeping a secret. Even if I did something I did bad that I think my wife would be ashamed of me that day, I always come to her and apologizes for what I have done and then explain would I did so that I don’t let guilt bother me and so I can do better the next day.

i confuse: Many people when I get deep into conversation with them. Therefore I always keep conversations light with people I don’t really know.

i listen: with my heart and try look for the real message people are trying to say that few people seem to see; everybody wants to be loved for who they are in some way or another.

i can usually be found: Meditating deep in thought or doing some sort of artistic project. I am truly a deep thinker. I keep these thought to myself and only share it with a select few. Life has taught me to be this way. I am dyslexic and have always had to learn things the hard way to learn anything at all. Keeping thoughts to myself has become habit for me so that I can make life easier for myself.

i am scared: of the dark and of losing my wife and loved ones because without them it would be a lonely place.

i need: loving people and honesty from others

i am happy about: completing something that brings smiles on faces and happiness in other people’s lives because that makes me happy too.